anecdotage

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 18:33

Man's best friend

They say that a dog is man's best friend, but I'm not so sure...
How many of your friends have you had neutered?

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 18:33

Which is why!

... which is why I start sentences in the middle.

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anecdotage posted to the Beerpig's Snug board. 11:26

The early bird

I might be getting old or more stupid, or perhaps both, but I've just bought a pair of slippers from M&S, and
engraved on the soles are the words, 'The Early Bird Catches The Worm.' What's that all about? I've racked my brains, but even [more]

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 10:59

My Auntie Marge

My Auntie Marge has been in hospital for six months...
I can't believe she's not better!

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 08:52

Reincarnation

I've heard that reincarnation is making a comeback!

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 08:52

A contact problem

I have a problem with my contact lenses...
I've no solution.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 08:48

Man or woman?

Rod Stewart has been quoted as saying, "I once pulled a bloke, I thought was a woman."
Well, I've got news for you, Rod. So did he!

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 08:48

Counterfeiter

My uncle is a professional counterfeiter.
He has the certificates to prove it.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 07:53

The wedding ring

Recently, a man had to go to hospital to have his wedding ring removed from his willy. His girlfriend found the ring in his trouser pocket, and was so annoyed, she put it on him while he was asleep

I don't know which is worse:

1) [more]

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 07:53

Be careful what you say

I was walking down the street in Glasgow, when a couple of men shoved me up against a wall.
One said, "Here, you. Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?"
I replied, "Actually, I'm a Buddhist."
"Aye, but are ye a [more]

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 11:16

Marooned

My mate said, "If you were marooned on a desert island, and you could only have one record, what would it be?"
I said, "The long distance swimming one!"

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 11:15

Mixed up chocolate

My mate hates it when I swap the wrappers on his chocolate bar.
It gets his Snickers in a Twix.

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anecdotage replied to the Jokers Corner board. 17:02

Re: What did one fish say to the other fish

Stop carping.

Eel be along shortly.

Things are looking bleak.

Are you hard of herring?

Shall we do the conger?

Was that you I smelt?

You're a ray of sunshine.

Are you a lone [more]

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 09:23

Shopping chanel

My wife was watching a shopping channel, when I heard her say, "Seventy-nine pounds my arse."
And I thought to myself, 'sounds about right.'

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 09:07

Sense of humour

My wife doesn't mind me making jokes.
As long as they're not at her expanse.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 09:40

Retirement plans

Alex Ferguson was asked if he had any plans for his retirement.
"I'm thinking of opening a 24hr 6min garage," he said.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 09:37

The truth

What do you get, when you ask a politician to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Three different answers.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 11:14

Budweiser

How do Americans make Budweiser?
Send him abroad for a proper education.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 11:14

Wild dogs

A pack of feral dogs have been roaming the streets of London, causing problems.
Police say they have no leads.

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anecdotage posted to the Jokers Corner board. 08:07

Loving

"Jesus loves you."
A wonderful thing to hear in a church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.